I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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