Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
