Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
