i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
