He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize