And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
