Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
