Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just forgot I was standing up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
