Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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