You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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