i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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