yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
