Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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