went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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