dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
