I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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