Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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