3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
