Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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