you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
