as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
