I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
