I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize