i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
