I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
