pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
