I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
