Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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