After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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