AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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