Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
