Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
