I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They have beer where we have blood.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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