The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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