Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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