We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
