I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize