I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this beer tastes like vomit already
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
