So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
