I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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