i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
