the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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