Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
