That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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