You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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