My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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