I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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