my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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