So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
