I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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