There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
whose parrot is this?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
