I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize