i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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