i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
