Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
