he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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