Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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