I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
