don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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