He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize