I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
