I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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