Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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