You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
