:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
