I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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