Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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