Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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