never play flip cup with pint glasses
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
