we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
